How Real Couples Handle Debt

When most couples imagine the conflicts they'll have to resolve as a married unit, the subject matter is decidedly mundane. That can include how to decorate a new home, whether or not to get a dog, or something as simple as who gets to sleep on which side of the bed. In reality, a large portion of marital conflicts revolve around something more complicated—money. Three couples tell their stories.

Whether directly or indirectly, a couple's financial situation can affect every part of their life. It's no exaggeration to say that how a couple navigates these issues can determine the entire course of a relationship.

For many couples, debt and different views about money are at the root of many relationship problems.¹ Research has found that couples who had similar amounts of debt had fewer money fights than those with disparate levels of debt.²

But you don’t choose the person you love based on their student loan balance. Here's why debt can cause so many problems in a relationship, and how some real couples have chosen to handle it.

Accept the Other Person’s Debt

When Ashley J. graduated from college, she had $21,000 in student loans. Her then-boyfriend Ben didn’t have any. They both had car loans for similar amounts.

Because Ashley and Ben dated all throughout high school and college, they talked about money frequently. Ben knew that she was a responsible person who wasn’t taking out more debt than she could afford to repay. Ashley also worked two jobs in college to minimize how much she had to borrow.

When they got married in 2015, she went to grad school and he received his paramedic and firefighter training. Once they both started working full-time in 2017, they focused on paying off their debt. 

“We were a team the whole time,” she said.

They paid off her student loans in 2018 and paid off both cars in 2019. They’re only 26 years old, but are completely debt-free.