Money and Relationships: Couples' (Financial) Goals
Whether you’re starting to think long-term in a relationship, in the honeymoon phase or growing older (and wiser) together, find tips for managing money as a couple.
Managing money well as a couple can strengthen your relationship. It helps build trust and align important future goals, such as saving for a child’s education and retirement. However, it takes work, and you may have to overcome some challenges together.
Couples and Money Challenges
About 34% of couples view money as a source of conflict. It’s even higher among 18- to 24-year-old couples (47%).1 What are the real issues? Sometimes, it comes down to having different ideas about money.
Are you a saver, and your partner a spendthrift? Is your partner a budget-every-penny person, and you have a wing-it spending plan (or no plan at all)? Different attitudes toward money can cause stress and misunderstandings, but it’s important to note that you and your partner likely got your money values from your past. There are ways to get on the same page, which should ideally happen before you make your relationship more permanent.
Money Talks Before the Commitment
Two key factors in overcoming money challenges are communicating often and being transparent. Marriage and money (or a long-term relationship and money) can happily go together, especially if you have regular talks about your finances and understand where each other is coming from.
Discuss Financial Views and Habits
This may not be a good topic for a first date. However, as you think about a long-term relationship, it’s important to share your money views. Discuss your financial habits and see how they are alike or different.
Some families never discussed money, so this may be difficult for someone who is not used to it. Being open and honest about your views on money can help you and your partner avoid potential issues and conflict down the road.
Understanding what drives you to spend or save will show your thoughts about money, too. One person may feel comfortable investing for the future, while the other may be cautious about the risks. Differences are okay, but it is important to reserve judgment and find common ground.
Knowing how someone grew up with money can help you understand how they handle financial situations, both good and bad. Both partners should participate in financial decisions and have a seat at the table. Even if one leads, this helps create financial harmony.
Structuring Your Finances as a Couple
Should you combine your money? If so, do you know how to merge your finances after marriage or the commitment? Should you keep them separate? These are questions to consider as a couple.
Years ago, people assumed that married couples and money would automatically go hand in hand and that they would combine finances. But that was then. With changes in culture, people are waiting longer to marry, and finances are different today.
For example, few people start married (or coupled) life with blank financial slates. More couples enter the commitment with assets acquired while single or in a previous relationship. Others may be entering the relationship with student loans or credit card debt.
Those trends make merging finances more complicated. However, some studies show that people are happier when they combine their money because doing so makes it more transparent.2
Solo or Joint Financial Accounts?
Before you marry or make a long-term commitment, talk about whether to combine your bank, investment or other accounts. If you don’t get married, there are legal considerations, such as getting a domestic partnership agreement for clarity.
Yours, Mine and Ours—How Couples Merge Their Money
62%
keep at least some money separate
38%
use joint accounts
34%
have joint and separate accounts
Bankrate Survey, December 2024.
Why (or Why Not) Merge Money as a Couple?
Joint Financial Accounts Can Bring Unity
Joint accounts can help couples maintain harmony in budgeting, paying bills, spending and planning. The transparency they afford may strengthen trust because there are no secrets about who’s spending or saving in a joint account.
However, that same transparency can be a source of strife if the two partners don’t agree or have very different spending habits. This is where communication before joining accounts is key.
In addition, using a joint account will not give you any independence with money, and you’ll be more accountable for your spending.
Separate Financial Accounts Can Give More Privacy
If you don’t like the idea of being accountable for every penny (or it’s a source of contention), you may want to keep your money separate. As a couple, you may need to communicate more often about money and shared goals.
Separate financial accounts may ease concerns if you and your partner are not on the same page about money. Addressing debt, such as student loans that one or both partners have, may be another reason to keep accounts apart.
Possible drawbacks include that it may be hard to access the other partner’s account in an emergency, much more communication about shared goals and expenses will be necessary and it may impact the feeling of unity.
The Hybrid Approach for Joint and Separate Accounts
Another option is to have separate and shared accounts. For example, you could use separate accounts for spending and joint accounts for investing. Doing so lets you take advantage of the benefits of both kinds of accounts.
A hybrid approach to combining money can fit for couples who do not want to sacrifice their full financial autonomy, while still allowing a level of shared responsibility.
Prenups and Postnups for Assets and Debts
Some partners use a prenuptial agreement to solidify their financial agreements. While a prenup is often seen as a security plan in case of divorce, it also should be considered a valuable resource to protect the financial interests of both parties during marriage.
Some states allow domestic partners who don't intend to marry to enter a prenuptial agreement. Check your state’s specific laws to find out what’s allowed where you live.
If a couple doesn’t sign a prenup before tying the knot, they might sign a postnuptial agreement. However, it’s often easier to sign a prenup and start the marriage with a clear understanding of financial expectations, whether combining finances or not.
One reason to consider prenuptial and cohabitation (if allowed) agreements is to manage debt. These agreements can address how debts will be handled during marriage, the relationship, or divorce and outline how future debts will be managed.
These financial agreements can also help protect one partner from creditors in the other partner’s debt.
Share Common Goals, Whether You Combine Finances or Not
Whether you choose to combine or keep your money separate, some goals make sense to set and follow as a couple, including these:
1. Keep a Budget.
Getting agreement on a monthly budget can be crucial for your finances and your relationship. It’s best to have clear guidelines from the start of your committed relationship.
Setting spending parameters is easier when you blend finances, but it can also be done if you keep them separate. Decide which bills each person will pay and how much each will invest. Consider your income, debts and how much you want to save as a couple for future goals.
2. Manage debt.
Debts and credit cards are areas ripe for disagreements. If either partner is coming into the relationship with a lot of debt, deciding how to manage it (separately or together) is critical. How you will use credit and debt in the future also requires mutual agreement.
3. Save for emergencies.
Regardless of your two incomes, setting money aside for surprises is essential for everyone, including couples. Nothing can derail finances faster than an unexpected event, such as a medical emergency or job loss. The general rule is to set aside three to six months of expenses, but the amount may need to be larger in certain situations.
4. Invest for the future.
Some people are natural savers, while others struggle. We always advocate starting early with investing because it can add up to so much more, but you will need to consider each person's values and agree on priorities. And what happens if you are on different pages about investing? Read on.
Invest Together or Separately as a Couple?
Most of this discussion so far has been about managing money in a relationship for now, such as bank accounts, emergency savings and keeping a budget. But what about your future goals, such as for retirement? For some, retirement savings is a priority. For others, it’s too far out (and you have bills and things you want to do now).
Investing separately can be complicated, especially if one saves much more than the other. Yes, there will be natural ways you invest on your own, such as if one or both of you have a workplace retirement plan. But what about the rest? It’s essential to develop a game plan together and frequently revisit as time moves forwards and your goals my change.
Another thing to consider as you decide whether to share your investment accounts is that it may be easier to manage a goal like retirement if you do it together. Pooling your money may also give you more investment power, including the possibility of lower fees that may come with higher balances.
On the flip side, conflicts might arise if your appetites for risk do not match or if one is saving significantly more than the other. Investing separately could help resolve those conflicts and allow you each to have individual investment strategies. Then you would also need to consider what it looks like when it’s time to live off your savings.
• When do we want to retire?
• How do we want retirement to look?
• How much money will we need?
• How long will our savings last?
• Will we need to adjust our expectations?
Maintaining Your Money and Relationship
Once you’ve made all the significant decisions about managing your money as a couple, it’s time to stay in harmony with regular financial talks. The health of your finances and your relationship may depend on these critical conversations.
Silence and Secrets About Money Are Dangerous
Not talking about money can be detrimental. Even if you manage finances separately, it is essential to understand each other's money values and how you each manage debt and save. An important aspect is to keep it honest.
Experts agree that transparency is key when managing money with another person. The worst thing you can do is to keep financial secrets, though two in five Americans say they do.3 Those secrets range anywhere from spending more money than your partner knows to having a secret credit card or account.
Money and Your Relationship Can Coexist
Your financial needs and those of your partner will not be like those of anyone else, so your financial plan must match both of you. Whether you decide to merge your finances, keep them separate or use a hybrid approach, making those decisions before a long-term commitment can help you achieve financial and relationship harmony.
Speaking with a financial advisor to help you make those decisions may also be a good idea. If you’re looking for help managing your money as a couple, we’re happy to provide a one-time session or in-depth advice and planning.
Authors
Financial Consultant
Relationships and Money: Get Help With Critical Decisions
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Money Fights: One in three (34%) partnered Americans identify money as a source of conflict in their relationship. Ipsos, February 2024.
Money Talks Couples Can’t Afford to Skip, Western & Southern Financial Group, January 2025.
Survey: 2 in 5 Americans in a Relationship Have Kept a Financial Secret From Their Partner, Bankrate, January 2025.
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